Kid Cudi checked himself into rehab for “depression and suicidal urges,” the 32-year-old rapper revealed in a Facebook post Tuesday (Oct. 4).

“Its been difficult for me to find the words to what I’m about to share with you because I feel ashamed,” he wrote. “Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I’ve been living a lie. It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.”

Cudi goes onto reveal that he entered treatment on Monday (Oct. 3). “I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me,” he explained. “If I didn’t come here, I would’ve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. There’s a [raging] violent storm inside of my heart at all times. [I don’t know] what peace feels like. [I don’t know] how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I can’t make new friends because of it. I don’t trust anyone because of it and I’m tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me?”

Cudster is slated to drop two albums before the end of the year, but “won’t be around much” to promote. In the interim, his record label, Republic Records, and manager, Dennis Cummings, will keep fans updated on release dates.

“The album is still on the way. Promise,” Cudi assured fans. “I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.”

He plans to be released from treatment in time for Complex magazine’s Complexion festival next month.

Read his full post below.