Since the untimely death of Mac Miller on Friday (Sept. 7), Ariana Grande who dated the rapper from August 2016 to May 2018 has been silent on social media. However, she finally broke her silence for the first time in an Instagram post calling Mac the “kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved.”

Mac Miller, whose real name is Malcolm McCormick, died at the age 26 from an apparent overdose. Ariana first met the Pittsburgh-rapper at the age 19 when he collaborated on her 2013 single “The Way” which would become the song that turned Ariana Grande from a bubblegum Nickelodeon star to a bona fide pop-R&B juggernaut. The couple broke up in May 2018, with Grande dating and later became engaged to Saturday Night Live’s Pete Davidson not long after.

The video Grande posted to Instagram to her 128 followers is of her then-lover at dinner with a bright smile on his face.

“i adored you from the day i met you when i was nineteen and i always will. i can’t believe you aren’t here anymore. i really can’t wrap my head around it. we talked about this. so many times. i’m so mad, i’m so sad i don’t know what to do. you were my dearest friend. for so long. above anything else. i’m so sorry i couldn’t fix or take your pain away. i really wanted to. the kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved. i hope you’re okay now. rest.”